Open Heart Surgery…

Do you ever feel like you need a new heart?  You’re just not your “happy, cheery self” anymore? (This is supposed to be a sarcastic comment for me.)

I’m not naturally a positive person. But, more recently, even my negative outlook has gotten more negative.

When I can’t see the light of God in my life, I know that the things of this world are overshadowing the truth of God’s grace and faithfulness in my life. I tend to see things in a very bad light, instead of looking at the good things first.

Our family just returned from a much needed trip to California. The girls and I headed out 5 days before my husband joined us. For a week we were all together enjoying one another, visiting with my mom and siblings, and our first church family in Yorba Linda. It was truly a vacation! We were not doing our regular routine of school, chores and work, so everyone was pretty happy. For a good, but short week, there was harmony in our family. It was such a blessing not to have to coax my children to get out of bed for school, even though it’s at home! We didn’t have to deal with the daily grind of our busy American life (These are truly first world problems).

Then, life reality hit me hard, again! When we arrived back home, the pressures of this life began weighing down on us, in particular the children. I started noticing the grumbling and complaining under their breath and I also began to dread having to deal with that myself. It didn’t help that upon our arrival into the Newark airport, almost immediately, things that could’ve gone wrong, did!

On our way to California the usually bumpy flights were smooth. But, on the way back it was the opposite. I’ll spare you most of the details, but first, our luggage didn’t arrive with us; our car retrieval ticket was in the missing luggage; my car driver’s side window decided to not work, again, and it was raining! By God’s grace I was the only one laughing because if I cried (which I felt like doing) I wouldn’t be able to see while driving home at midnight.

The night of our arrival was very dark in many ways. Thankfully though, God’s mercies showed up again the next day and by noon our lost luggage had made it to our home, my window began working and to the girls pleasant surprise, we were still on “Fall School” break in order to give us all time to adjust to the time zone change and our previously leisurely schedule.

Since we’ve been home though, I’ve sensed the grumbly spirits haunting us. It has taken all I have, in my flesh, and God’s Spirit in me to persevere. If I relied on myself only, our home would be a place of hopelessness instead of a place of rest and reprieve from the demands of this world.

After contemplating all of the last 3 weeks I realized that I need God to do surgery on me. I feel stuck and I don’t like how I’m viewing life. I know it’s not how God would wants me to see it. I should believe what His word says, like “His mercies are new every day” and to “Trust Him with all my heart, and not lean on my own understanding”, or how I see things, because they are based on my feelings at the time, instead of His truths. BUT, I feel stuck because I can’t do this on my own.

So, it is with this understanding and the faith of a mustard seed that I am asking God to bring a new and fresh outlook on my current situation, a new heart; one that is stronger than my problems and can persevere through this season of life. I need Him to pour out His Spirit on me and our home, once again, to renew and rejuvenate it because I just don’t know what else to do. I am trusting, by faith, that He will keep His word as I have seen Him do it in the bible and in my family’s life in the past.

Are you feeling stuck today? Why don’t you try the same challenge with me? Let me know if He answers your prayers and I will surely tell you when He answers mine!

In the trenches of mothering with you,

Socorro Gill

2 thoughts on “Open Heart Surgery…

  1. Socorro…My friend and travel partner. Thank you so much for being so real..So transparent. I love my kids and husband like you do but it’s a far cry from perfect. I don’t see rainbows everywhere, I get frustrated, mad, sad and just plain overwhelmed. Being a mom is not all roses. It’s so very reassuring that I am not the only one who feels like this. I’m not alone. Thank you and I miss you!!


    • Hi Christie!!! I miss seeing you around. Get ahold of me via email so we can have”tea” and talk or something. Thanks for also sharing and being honest about your struggles. Stay in touch.


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