Last week I started the first of five sessions of my monthly gatherings with moms that will focus on proactively and at times reactively, praying for our husbands. With this, comes a dilemma.
How much do I share with them or with you about my husband and my “marital issues”?
During our “Mom Time-Out” fellowship the goal in praying for our husband is to effectively be the “help meet” that God intended us to be. It’s to examine ourselves and to ask God to reveal what we can do to better show love and respect to our spouse and either repent of our sin and/or make changes for the better. It’s not to tear our husband down or build up our “pity biscuit” jar (to eat them) and give-in to the lie that we don’t have a choice in our reaction, therefore making us victims instead of victors.
I have learned that it’s best to first talk to the One that holds my husband’s life in his hands and trust Him to bring BOTH of us into alignment with His will, as well as convict us of our present, sin so we may repent and be restored back to God and our spouse, if necessary.
When I ask anyone to pray for my husband to (insert “very personal problem” here), I place my husband in a compromised position. As a result of doing so, I invite a possible disaster into my home by tearing my house down with my own hands and I show my husband disrespect. Not only will my husband sense this, but others will too. Every time your friends or family see him, they will see him in light of what you’ve shown them and that’s not right in God’s eyes or fair, because you probably haven’t confessed all your sin also. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1)
Proverbs 31:11 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” If you consistently and unconfidently share too much information with others, you may tear your marriage apart.
Once I go to God first, either during my quiet moments before the kids wake up, in the midst of my mundane tasks or when the house is quiet in the middle of the night, then I can ask my trusted friends for general prayer when the opportunity presents itself. For example, ask them to pray “that God would lead my husband and that I would follow him by faith”. When your husband needs prayer for health or other non-intimate issues, you can feel more comfortable in sharing, but do so in God’s love.
I am not a licensed professional counselor, but if you ever find yourself in an unsafe situation, physically, in your marriage, please seek help immediately, and after, continue praying for wisdom, discernment and restoration.
Stay tuned for “Building my House” Part 2
Lord willing I will share more biblical and personal insights on how to “build your house” with you next week or two. Soli Deo Gloria!