Building My House – Part 2

In Part 1 of “Building my House” I talked about how to go to God first in prayer with our request’s or complaints about our husband.  I also mentioned how we should lovingly and discreetly ask for prayer for our husband so that we will not be compromising his character or our relationship.

In Part 2, I will be discussing how to identify the symptoms of a “marriage cold” before it catches you off guard and tears your marriage apart by “blowing” things out of proportion.

I recently caught a cold that tailed off with a cough that lingered for more than a month.  It was awful!  I chose to sleep in the living room because I felt like I was disturbing my husband and keeping him from sleeping due to my constant coughing fits.

When I realized that I had caught a cold I intuitively acknowledged that I was infected with bacteria or a virus.  I needed to do something to get rid of it so I could heal completely.

I surely didn’t want to pass this on to anyone I came into contact with, so I did everything I could to avoid situations that might expose them.  I washed my hands after I blew my nose, used a separate towel to dry my hands after each washing, etc.  Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to do that with a household of five.  Thankfully though (sort of), my efforts paid off by only getting my husband sick.  So far, my children have escaped it.  I can’t account for anyone else outside my home, but hopefully I didn’t infect too many others.

Just like perfectly healthy humans sometimes experience periods of illness, a healthy and strong marriage will have issues that rise from the seasons associated with married life.  Eventually there will be a problem and it will have to be dealt with.

In the same way, when we as wives start snapping or nagging at our husbands or them at us, we need to stop and address the symptoms.  By stopping for specific prayer and communicating that we have a problem with something, we will subsequently shorten our return to a healthy state of marriage rather than prolonging the illness.

It’s been my experience that the key to keeping my marriage healthy is to address the issues promptly, in a loving way, God’s way.

 Let me explain my “Marriage Cold” concept from identification of symptoms to treatment plan:

Scratchy throat – When something is irritating you, but not strong enough to deal with it.

Scratchy throat with pain and swelling – Now it’s really irritating, but you take some Tylenol (cover it up with something else to help you forget about it) because:

a) You didn’t want to deal with it yet;

b) You are “too busy” to sit down and have a face to face without being emotional; or

c) Other (fill in another excuse).

Full blown cold = Symptoms didn’t go away and now you have to deal with it before;

a) It gets bad enough to see a doctor or;

b) You infect those around you.

There are many known cures for a cold, but the best one is rest (in God’s promises) and eating chicken soup (for your soul)!

If you have a “scratchy throat”, mix some table salt with clean water.

Water is one of the best solutions to dissolve solids in.  Salt is commonly used as a preservative and seasoning for flavor.  It also has good antibacterial/antiviral properties.

If you want to preserve your marriage and add spice to it, when you notice “cold symptoms” in your marriage:

Stop and assess what the irritant is

1. Pray for God to show you what’s at the bottom of how you’re feeling before you go to your spouse in your emotional state of mind.
   • If necessary, for clarity, write down how you’re feeling and why.
2. Identify if it’s your unspoken and unmet expectations of your spouse or if there is a legitimate complaint.
   1. Did both of you agree on something clearly and one of you clearly broke the agreement?
      • If this is the case, note it and present it to your spouse in a calm and non-defensive manner, as much as possible.
3. Are you experiencing premenstrual or post-menopausal symptoms and as a result EVERYTHING is simply more irritating than when you’re not PMS’ing?
   1. If this is the case, write your feelings down, pray and wait it out, as much as possible. Going for a walk is very helpful! Or wait till your episode passes. This has been my marriage saver!

“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

Meditate on God’s word.

1. Hide His word in your heart, so you may not sin against God and man!
   • Take and eat of it in small bites throughout the day. You will find that it is easier to digest that way and you won’t feel like you shoved it down your throat.
   • Don’t “eat and run”, it’s bad for your spiritual digestion.

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11)

Applying these principles can help to heal your marriage and over time stop deterioration of it, especially if there is God’s love in your hearts.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud”. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Please let me know if what you’ve read here today has a positive effect on your life or marriage.  I would love to be encouraged by your response!

In the trenches of married life with you,

Socorro