I’m thankful for all my family and friends! Thank you to you who follow our lives and know us personally! I hope you know that what I write about is close to my heart. Some things are very easy to say, but others are not. And, I say them anyway. I want everyone who reads these blogs to know that “we will have trials in this life, but Jesus has already overcome the world” and we can find courage in knowing Him, the one true God.
What I am sharing today is not pretty but a reality that many women live with. FEAR.
Fear is a driving force that can keep us from harm, in the case of a fire in a home or another natural disaster. Other times fear keeps us from doing God’s will in our lives.
Fear of what other people will think, say or do has kept me from doing certain things sometimes. Fear has also kept my family and I safe from a fire in our California home. We ran from it to safety as soon as we knew we were in danger.
Both types of fears are necessary, but not at all times. Living in constant fear is not healthy at all. I have personally experienced panic attacks as a result of living in fear of known’s and unknowns.
Many times in my life I have made decisions based on fear instead of love. Today I realized that I had an irrational fear. It was not based on love, but fear of rejection. I know in my heart that it is a trap to fear what people think of me. So, I am able to make many choices most people would hesitate to make or not even consider.
I love having people over to our house for food and fellowship, as a family. I enjoy mentoring and encouraging women, especially young moms in their mothering and sharing how to love their husband and children. I’m not afraid to share my failures especially if it helps others learn from my mistakes and as a result helps deter them from making bad choices. All of this doesn’t scare me much, just a little. But, I invite people anyway, even if they do not always accept the invitation.
Most people are afraid of rejection, so they either hesitate or don’t ever invite people over for coffee or a meal, for the above mentioned reasons.
When I am afraid of someone or something my emotions tend to follow in action or inaction, especially during a particular and very vulnerable time of the month. Regardless of when I feel afraid, I make a mental note and take my fears to God in prayer. Sometimes I also talk to someone like my husband or another close friend about it.
Recently though, I was feeling very emotional and vulnerable, but was “afraid” to share with my husband my thoughts because I was afraid of what he would think or how he would react.
When I realized that I was afraid of what my own husband would think or say it surprised even me. I was pretty sure, in my spirit, up until now, that I feared God more than man. That’s is how I have learned to live my life, as a wife and mother. I married my husband for love, not fear!
After struggling with a wave of emotions and thoughts about this situation I came to realize that I was letting my fears keep me from communicating some things with my husband. Fear was my driving force, not love. But, I love him very much and respect his opinion. Sometimes, however, I don’t always agree with him, and vice versa. My fear of my husband was keeping me from being truthful, which I do not want to happen.
A red flag was raised in my heart today. I was reverting back to the beginning of our married life and holding things back. It is partly because we have been so busy settling back in to our old home and partly because my husband has not been present as much either. He has had to go back to New Jersey quite a bit and hasn’t been available to talk in person. Not being able to speak to him in person for the last few months, since we’ve been back, and having so many changes come up in our home has lead to me feeling distanced from him.
But, If I start to be afraid to share with my own husband what’s in my heart, because I am scared of what he’ll think, then I need to go to God first. I need to ask him for the courage to say what I want to say, but not while I am emotional because that will only make me be misunderstood. Once I am more emotionally stable, and have spoken to God about my “feelings” then, I can be prepared to live in love with my husband, and not live in fear.
In the almost 19 years of marriage with Troy I have noticed a pattern. If I am “feeling” like I can’t talk to Troy about something, then the lines of communication will be closed, and a big wedge will get between us, leading to a downward spiral of disappointments. But, if I fess up to God first, to get the courage to speak with him, and then tell Troy, then at least we can work things out. I know I cannot let that happen if I want to “Fear God, not man” and grow more in love with him while strengthening our family bond.
God is the only one I will have to answer to when I leave this body, not anyone one else. And, while we are on earth, we need to “love our neighbor as our self”, which includes family.
I am so grateful that God showed me this today. No matter how I “think” my husband will react or what he will say I need to be truthful with my husband and real with God. I need to “love” my husband as God loves me!
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 NIV
As a parent, If I want to make a positive difference, then I must take “courage” in God and not lose heart, so hopefully my children will follow my example, as we are to follow Christ’s exemplary life.
As a wife, I need to honor and respect my husband enough to let him know what’s on my heart, with God’s love.
Finally, as a sister-in-Christ, I pray with other ladies for their husbands to lead in their families and follow the one true God.
What are you afraid of today that is keeping you from God’s perfect love?
Live in God’s Perfect Love,
P.S. Look for upcoming dates to “Pray for our husband and children” Tea Times on my website, starting January 2017 or before!
Refer to my previous blogs on “Building My House” parts 1 through 3 starting here: https://4gillgirl.wordpress.com/2016/01/